Sometimes I just want to be special....

You think you know someone but later found out you may not really know the person as well as you thought you did.

Perhaps the other side of him you found out isn't something bad but somehow the realization of another side that you never knew made you feel a little "cheated".
Perhaps I'm deluded and came to a conclusion that I wanted, that's why I'm a little upset when I found out that I'm wrong. It's not the person's fault but why do I feel a little resentful towards him?

He never told me I'm special before and I made myself sound like I'm special to him and I believed it. Now I'm starting to doubt if I'm really that special to him.

Is it an illness to need to feel special to someone?
Is it wrong to want to be the most special person to someone?

Why do I get blamed for wanting to feel special?


Okie this is where I end my little indulging-time to feel sad...
Life goes on...

I will not die if no one makes me feel special.

Insights I hope I will remember

My colleagues and I was on a course on "Stress Management". The reason why we chose this course was mainly the dates were suitable for us and it falls under the right category of training tat we needed. I didnt expect to gain much out of it because I personally think I'm not a very stress-ed person.

Perhaps God wanted to "prepare" me for the course so I had an extremely stressful morning. First I didnt sleep enough, I had to wake up earlier because I needed to clear my harddisk to get some files from Mable. But there was just too much file to transfer and after much struggle, I still didnt manage to clear the harddisk =(
Then I had a tummy ache so I left the house like 20mins later than I had planned to. But the worst has got to be the train journey. I've been very pampered because Ah Seng sends me to work everyday but even if I had to take train to work, it's on the non-crowded direction so I dun have to squeeze myself into the train. Today I had to travel opposite direction and it was HORRIBLE!!!! Goodness, I know alot of ppl complain about the crazy crowd in the morning but I didnt think that much of it until this morning. Anyway by the time I reached the coffee shop, I was all sweaty and was told I have only 10mins to eat my breakfast *sobz*

So during the course, the facilitator actually told write down what kind of stress we are facing and to share with out neighbours and everyone shared alittle. I realise people of all ages experience different stress. Some shared they are actually stressed about retirement. It could be because they worry they do not have enough money for retirement etc. For me I think I'm stressed because I have to do alot of things all at one go and I'm spreading myself thin that I don't feel I'm accomplishing anything.
Later the facilitator also shared about the symptoms of stress etc and there was alot of sharing on stories of people he knew.

I didnt think alot into all these until I met Mable for dinner.

I was sharing casually on what I learnt and suddenly it stuck me that actually my Mum can be very stressed.

Okie, just some background on my Mum. I've never really publicly shared this but my mum is actually one of the greatest source of stress for me. First I would like to say tat my Mum is a responsible mum who cooks, cleans and do all the necessary things for the household. But she is a very negative and unhappy person.
She is always complaining about how unfair was being treated by my dad's side relatives, how people are all selfish, how she is taken granted for, how miserable her life is. She is always grumbling and whining about everything and I just dont want to hear all these things. So I always shut myself in my room when I'm home and my door is the safety barrier from her. I love my mum but I feel that because of she is always so angry with everyone and everything, it stops me from wanting to
communicate with her regularly.

Having said these, I suddenly realise that what my mum said is a sign of stress.

First, she is always insecure of how little money she has and feel that she has to save very hard for old age. To me, all I hear is about money money money and it sorta turns me off. But I realise it is not about the money, she is worry about having no one to take care of her when she old and does not have the mean to provide for herself.
Now that I've recognize that, I want to make it a point to assure her that me and my bro will definitely take care of her because it is our duty to do so.

Then she complain about all the bad things that happen to her and how everyone makes her feel unhappy. I always scold her for telling me all these old stories and tell her to stop telling me all these things, I'm so sick of hearing the same thing over and over again. Instead of responding negatively to her complains, I should make her focus on the blessings she has instead. I think all of us need to be reminded of what we have and taken it for granted.

She always feel that she is being taken for granted for the things she do for the family. To be honest, I am guilty of taking my mum's work for granted. So how should I make it up to her? My solution: to wash plates whenever I see then in the sink and leave her a note to say I understand these housework are a chore and I shoudn't have taken it for granted. Hopefully tat will show some appreciation la.

Wish me luck implementing those things I've came up with =D

Oh ya, I'm so happy I manage to picked up the Strawberry Body Butter from the bodyshop sale!!

My Loot!! Paid like $40plus abit for all these!!!


My Bday pressie from Mable!!!

500G harddisk, I was just contemplating buying one during comex lor...
Hehe....so blessed right...

OKie need to sleep already, tomorrow another day of "stress management" course.

Peace Out