Life is good!

My previous post were pretty sad but it is interesting how things can change in a short one month. I feel happy somehow for the past 2 weeks or so...I can't exactly point out what it is but suddenly I feel contented with my life.

I have started exercising on a regularly basis since March and I'm quite surprised that I'm actually disciplined enough to maintain it for the past 5 months! If you know me back in school, I am not the kind of athlete that will be discipline enough to do my own workout, especially after a full day's work. During this period, I can see myself slowly gaining my fitness back and getting more toned body. But apart from these tangible effects, I find myself handling stress better and start getting my long lost lame-to-the-core humor back (I think this is because my mind is more alert and quick).

Somehow I feel like I've been able to spend some time with different groups of friends and I really enjoy their companies. I didnt realise that there are so many interesting people around me and it is really fun hanging out with them. Although I can't say I have like one group of close friends, after Nicole left, I didnt think it is possible to find anyone else already. I don't need anyone to take Nicole's place also but it is really nice to have great company and to know that they do enjoy my company too. I've been keeping in touch with my friends more via Facebook and it's really nice to be able to keep myself updated on what's up with my friends even though we are unable to meet up.

In June-July, I was extremely unhappy at work. There was alot of negativity surrounding me when it comes to work. But little did I know that just a short getaway once in a while does wonders to the mind. And slowly I start to see that actually my work allows me alot of flexibility, although it doesnt seem like much prospects but whatever high position and high salary you get, you are really exchanging a larger part of your life for it. I'm not saying we shouldn't work hard, you should but you need to know how much of your life you want to give it for work. Comparing to some of my peers, they might be getting a higher more glamorous work but there are sacrifices they have to make. So now I'm actually starting to appreciate the nature of my work and how my job allows me to do other things outside my work.

Then when I think about my life, seriously there isn't anything that I need to worry about. My love ones are healthy and happy, I got a place to stay and I dun have to worry about the huge bank loan, I have free transport to work and back home everyday (so I can do my workout after work!!), I can go for holiday when i want to....what more can I ask for right?

I'm fortunate and I am thankful for it.

我们的周末

突然想起几个月前刚搬进新家时
你跟我说你周末要回家住
你说周末是你的家庭时间
我觉得自己的脸好像被赏了一个耳光
我这才愕然的发现原来我们并没有我想象的亲密

可能就是打从那时开始
我就告诉自己要更独立，不能指望靠谁

一个独立的人，同时也可以是一个热情的人吗？
独立跟热不热情好像是两马事
可是仔细想想，一个独立的人不介意独处
喜欢自己一个人的可能性高
这样性格的人就是属于冷漠型的

冷漠不是不爱说话，他还是可以和朋友有说有笑
可是他是被动的
他不会主动去找朋友聊天
这种性格的人正需要一个主动（就是所谓热情的人了）的伴侣

照我以上的分析，我们可能就是因为各自属于不同类型的人而在一起的
不过这个离题了，所以我就不继续细说下去了

就这样我们的周末就有一天，我们各自回到父母的家住
刚开始，我要是很老实的说的话，我很介意这个安排
觉得你不想跟我多花点时间在一起
我没跟别人说实话，我说这是我们俩要的
我想要是我一直这样说，假的也会变成真的。。。
时间证明我这个想法是对的

现在的我是真的很满意这个安排
而且在每一个星期里，这天是我最放松，最享受的一段时间
我仿佛回到了以前
可以放心的做自己
不想着工作，不想着你我
这是一个微妙的乐趣

你是不是也因为向往这样的乐趣而提出这样的安排？
我不知道，也觉得没必要知道

可是我也觉得就是因为当初被这个安排伤到了
想要更独立的我无意的克制自己的热情
觉得自己好像变了

这个就是两个人住在一起需要慢慢适应与改变的一个例子吧

杂乱的心情

你看着我说你不喜欢吵架
我的心顿时软了

我投进你的怀里
我们好像很久没有这样拥抱

这可能是个新的开始吗？
之前大大小小的不满能放开吗？

我能放纵自己
让自己盼望着被你疼惜，被你爱护吗？
还是因该理智的有所保留呢？

毕竟没有盼望，何来的失望。。。

可爱女人的秘密

要被疼的女人才会可爱

男人觉得自己很疼女人，可是女人一点都不觉得被疼

是女人贪心吗？
是女人麻烦吗？
是女人不讲理吗？

结婚前的你给的是100个心，可是你没跟我说这个只是暂时性的
男人很贼，他给你的心慢慢的慢慢的减少
突然，你发现他给你的少了很多
你问为什么，他反过来说是你自己要求过高

他给的渐渐的少了
你也渐渐的不可爱了
你说他不像以前爱你了，他说你也不像以前那样可爱了

女人可爱是因为有男人给她需要的营养
女人就好像骆驼一样，只要一点水可以走很远的路
可是时不时还是需要补充一下

其实女人只是要你用她的方式来疼她

以前你每天等我把头发吹干才去睡觉，现在你怪我晚上迟睡害得你睡不好
当我觉得委屈时，我只能默默在心里哭泣，把委屈往心底藏
表面上的冷漠与坚强是我唯一能保护自己的方法

Unique?

I read a book "The Unique Woman" by Edwin Louis Cole & his wife Nancy quite a few years back. There was alot encouragement and revelation that I got from it but over the years, I forgot what it was all about.

I still have the book; very well kept and nicely wrapped.

Once in a while the title of this book will pop into my mind and I will make a mental note to read it again. So this morning I finally took out the book and brought it with me to work. I scanned through a few pages and read a couple of sentences highlighted by me last time.

Then I thought to myself, is it wrong or too much for a woman to ask for to want to be unique. Maybe not unique to everyone but at least to her partner? I realized that throughout my dating history, I always wanted to be the one special person to my boyfriend. To the guy, it seems that this is a way to feed my ego and sometimes that interpretation has also gotten into me. And I will feel bad about wanting to be unique.

I asked a certain special someone about how special I am to him and maybe, he was fed up by this continuous need of mine to want to be unique and his answer was "My heart can only fit one woman at one time". This was the final answer I got and I stop asking.

Does this answer satisfy my longing to be the special one to him?

No. In fact it was worst...so basically every woman he has been with previously was just as special and unique as me. It totally negates the whole point of my intention of asking this question.

So why I stop asking him?

Because he can never give me what I hope to get out of him.

However, as time goes by, the need to want to be unique has gotten the better out of me so I started asking him again. And this time his answer was "I marry you, isn't that enough to prove that you are special to me?"

Now.... On the surface this answer seems to be all a woman can ask for but somehow it feels that something is missing...

Or am I just being greedy?

I think I'm being angry with him secretly, I don't show it to him, I don't tell him.
My friend say why don't I tell him what I am unhappy about?
If I do show him and do tell him, he will say I'm being petty and unreasonable. And that do not make me feel any better than not feeling unique.

Recently I was yet hurt again by him unintentionally.

When I spell out things that I love him for, I chose those because it was unique to me. But one after another one, I realize those little things aren't unique to me anymore. There goes my small little list of desperate attempt to be unique to him.

It's only a matter of time that the list will be exhausted.

General Election 2011

Prior to the GE, I would say I'm rather apathetic about Singapore's politics. But with the intense media coverage (most probably due increase in quality and quantity of the opposition) of this year's GE, it is difficult not to pay attention to it.

I believe one of the reason why I am concern with this year's GE is also because I can relate to some of the points brought up by the opposition. In the past, I have accepted that whatever Singapore government do, it must be for the best.

I thought I should take some time to listen to both sides before I make my final decision.

Choa Chu Kang GRC

PAP:

Gan Kim Yong/Zaqy Mohamed/Alvin Yeo/Low Yen Ling/Alex Yam Ziming


NSP:

Sebastian Teo/Tony Tan/Hazel Poa/Jeisilan Sivalingam/Nor Lella Mardiiiah

First post for 2011

So what's my day like on the last day of 2010?

Nothing fancy.... anyway I also don't expect much because what's there to expect?

No expectation, no disappointment
No disappointment, no unhappiness
(I'm not unhappy now, just mildly buay song)

I don't think I'm a person of high expectations (of others) but sometimes I think because of this I get stepped all over. If my presence is not appreciated, I won't hang around and feel like I'm worth nothing.

I do not need to be pleased, I just dun want to be pissed.

Dont expect much from anyone because man (as in literally the man) will fail you.