Unique?

I read a book "The Unique Woman" by Edwin Louis Cole & his wife Nancy quite a few years back. There was alot encouragement and revelation that I got from it but over the years, I forgot what it was all about.

I still have the book; very well kept and nicely wrapped.

Once in a while the title of this book will pop into my mind and I will make a mental note to read it again. So this morning I finally took out the book and brought it with me to work. I scanned through a few pages and read a couple of sentences highlighted by me last time.

Then I thought to myself, is it wrong or too much for a woman to ask for to want to be unique. Maybe not unique to everyone but at least to her partner? I realized that throughout my dating history, I always wanted to be the one special person to my boyfriend. To the guy, it seems that this is a way to feed my ego and sometimes that interpretation has also gotten into me. And I will feel bad about wanting to be unique.

I asked a certain special someone about how special I am to him and maybe, he was fed up by this continuous need of mine to want to be unique and his answer was "My heart can only fit one woman at one time". This was the final answer I got and I stop asking.

Does this answer satisfy my longing to be the special one to him?

No. In fact it was worst...so basically every woman he has been with previously was just as special and unique as me. It totally negates the whole point of my intention of asking this question.

So why I stop asking him?

Because he can never give me what I hope to get out of him.

However, as time goes by, the need to want to be unique has gotten the better out of me so I started asking him again. And this time his answer was "I marry you, isn't that enough to prove that you are special to me?"

Now.... On the surface this answer seems to be all a woman can ask for but somehow it feels that something is missing...

Or am I just being greedy?

I think I'm being angry with him secretly, I don't show it to him, I don't tell him.
My friend say why don't I tell him what I am unhappy about?
If I do show him and do tell him, he will say I'm being petty and unreasonable. And that do not make me feel any better than not feeling unique.

Recently I was yet hurt again by him unintentionally.

When I spell out things that I love him for, I chose those because it was unique to me. But one after another one, I realize those little things aren't unique to me anymore. There goes my small little list of desperate attempt to be unique to him.

It's only a matter of time that the list will be exhausted.