My first post for 2015

Tradition must be kept so this is me keeping a 10-year tradition, to post at least one entry a year in this little blog. It has accompanied me through my young adulthood and I think I should keep it alive as long as I can.

I seldom write in this blog anymore as I don't have much to share and when you have no real thoughts to share, you are just blabbering away. There are already enough crap on the internet and I do not wish to contribute to it.

Having said that, I do however been writing on a physical diary since 2013. It started as a challenge I gave myself to record my entire year when I turn 30. I will have to say most of it are ranting and mindless blabbering about nothing important. I was very proud of myself that I actually managed to finish writing the entire diary (Ah Seng say I will not last beyond March but I proved him wrong!). So I decided to continue in 2014 and now 2015 I have a super bling diary.

Recently I realised I do have more things I have thoughts about that I would like to pen down (maybe it's coming of  age). So here I am, back to my good old blog to spend some quality time with.

I'm 32 this year and I started this blog when I'm 22. I think I'm (quoting a Bangkok tee) same same but different.

Let's start with what's still the same:
I'm still the clown except with even thicker skin (okie so this is same same but different) or maybe I just level up! HAHA

Still pretty darn lazy but with a bit more sense of responsibility and better time management. I have 2 doggies that depend on me and I have many commitments so yea I have GROWN up abit.

More self sufficient and not as affected by people around me. I remember I cared SO much about what others thought about me. I want people to like me, I try to be nice and not talk bad about anyone. I try to be as accommodating as I can. I didnt realise I have tried so hard just to be a doormat and allow people to walk all over me.

The almost forgotten little blog

I came to this blog because I needed a picture here. In case 2014 slipped away just like that, I better take a bit of time for my first (and most probably last) blog post for this year.

Now, this year I'm going to be 30+1 and I suddenly feel like I've finally grown up. Life is relatively quiet and peaceful which I am really thankful for. Except for a painful Jan/Feb when I found out that I have this abominable neighbor who seems to think that they (especially the wife) owns the Singapore Police Force. I don't want to elaborate much on the incident but let's just say she is a piece of work. Things quiet down but once in a while I have to see her shit face and exchange some "pleasantries" with her (she started it by the way).

Other than that, of course there is the pole class that I have been taking since last Nov. It is just more and more fun with each level. I had choreographed 2 routines for my level 2 and level 3 showcases. Although I have no dance background and had been a klutz all my life, this does not stop me from performing my routines. Pole is truly a sport for all and it's very rewarding when you can do a move. I am currently in my level 4 and we are learning to do inverts on pole. I have to quickly improve my upper strength (need to be able to do chin up) because I believe level 5 will require that. I have been stretching everyday, although there is definitely improvement in my flexibility as compared to beginning of this year but I feel as if I have plateau. I have not reach anywhere near my goal of doing splits. I am still hoping that I can do a chin up and split by end of the year so 6 more months to go!

So this year I had decided to add another country to the list of countries I have been to. I had always wanted to go Australia but didn't so I planned and manage to recruit Shen Yeong and Xiu Quan to come with me. I also arranged for Bob to join us for half a trip and it was awesome! Although the trip was only a week long but it's the first time I had a road-trip style holiday. This prompted me to decide to get my driving lesson so I can drive when I go overseas. I will learn how to drive when I manage to move back to Bukit Batok.

Currently Ah Seng and I are trying to sell our place to move nearer to my parents. The property market isn't doing too well because our HDB decides to do away with valuation report before OTP. I still think this is a stupid idea. No doubt the idea is to push the resale price down but not having valuation report will mean people aren't sure if they are selling and buying above or below the valuation price. If it's alot above, the buyers may have difficulty getting enough cash to buy. But whatever it is, I trust God's grace and favour in this so I'm not going to spend time worrying over something I have no control over.

Another "milestone" so far is that I sort of made things up with Vanessa. She called suddenly and asked to meet up and I think after so long, I didn't feel upset anymore. I figured if she still bothers to call and ask to meet up, probably the friendship does mean something to her. I was a little apprehensive at first because we didn't see each other for almost 4 years. But once we started chit chatting, it was still the friend I knew but I could feel that she has grown to be so much more matured. A lot had happened to her when I decided to stop talking to her. Inside, I actually felt horrible for being such a lousy friend for not being there for her when she had to go through all these. But at the same time I do feel proud of her to go through all and becoming stronger. Though we are friends again but there is still a certain distance between us. She suggested that we celebrate our birthdays this year together and I am actually looking forward to it.

Come to think about it, it dawned on me that I don't have a lot of things that I look forward to. This is just sad. Maybe something I look forward is the prospect of me tagging along the Singapore Team for World Rescue in France this September. It is on the table but it is still a 50-50 thing until I bought the air ticket.

Right and of course about work since I spend 50% of my waking hours at it. Last year I got a very good grade but a colleague of mine was promoted before me. I honestly feel that she deserves it but at the same time I felt that I am being short-changed. So this year in order to prepare me for a promotion, I was loaded a lot more work. I do feel that I am learning more things from it and I did enjoy the work but I am still upset about being short-changed after working for them for 8 years. Just because I did not make noise, did not demand for things that is rightly mine, they conveniently forgot about me. While I did work harder and more this year, I also felt that God's favor is on me, I didn't had so much ideas before but it just came to me from time to time. Yes I am expecting something good but I shouldn't expect it from man but from God.

Okie, I think that is all for now. Maybe I will give another update before the year ends.

那些年，我们一起追的女孩 （written long time ago but didnt finish...still not finished)

刚看完这部电影...
好像很多人说这部电影不错，可是看完后,我完全没有被感动,一点都没有.

我觉得这个故事有点像少女漫画,只是故事换了个角度写的而已.

一个男孩喜欢一个女孩
女孩后来也喜欢上男孩
他们暧昧了很久
但始终没有在一起
后来女孩要结婚了
男孩参加了她的婚礼
他虽然还喜欢她
但他还是真心的祝福她

不过,想一想...我觉得一些男生会喜欢这个故事吧
从我听到的,男生似乎都有一个他以前喜欢过的女生,但是都没有在一起.
就是因为没有在一起,所以才是他们的"美好遗憾"
要是真的在一起,我想就因该没有故事了.只有现实!

不过也可能因为我不再谈恋爱了
对"恋爱"这两个字,听到时还有点想翻白眼
我以为那些一直想谈个"轰轰烈烈"的恋爱的人可笑
可能其实是我这个不懂(还是忘记)恋爱感觉的人可怜

但我还是觉得,恋爱就是不切实际
可能就是不切实际,所以才美好

我们年轻时就可以不切实际
所以可以谈恋爱
可以以为爱一个人就那么简单

Another blog post before I turn 30!

Just realised the last time I update my blog was in 2012 when I broke my elbow. My elbow has recovered since then and almost back to it's normal self. I lost a few degrees of movement but I can still perform daily task without any problem. So I think I will stay away from cycling for quite a while.

2013.... the year I will be turning 30.

Diary
Well, I decided that I wanted to keep track how I spent my year so I bought a diary to write everyday. I wanted one with a page for everyday so that I don't have to write so much. I'm quite sure no one has deep thoughts everyday (unless that person has some serious emo problem or just too damn free). So far I've been writing everyday (Ah seng say he think I will write till March only....LOL prove him wrong wrong wrong!) and I think I may even continue after 2013.

Dog
Another BIG thing for 2013 is I adopted a dog!!! Vodka!!! He is a 7-year-old silky terrier I adopted from Animals Lovers League. He came to us on the 9 April and the first month wasn't easy for us because both of us were first time dog owner. Vodka had ticks and we had to establish how he should sleep, eat and poop. Now he is more settled down, he is such a joy to have around.

Israel
Wanted to go Israel since I was in JC and finally went in March with Mable. It was a great trip and I really get to see the places describe in the Bible. 

Exercise Craze dying
Ever since I broke my arm last year, I think I was quite discouraged. Had to start everything from scratch. I actually reach my ideal weight (as in my own ideal not from charts). I started seeing better timing for runs and I feel really good. When I first started running again, I was quite excited but after a while I got really discouraged and stop working out like I did pre-fracture. I am still in the process of trying to get back to the fitness level and yea I gain some weight too. Sucks!

Investment
With my HDB loan settled, it's really time I look into putting my money elsewhere other than the savings bank account I have since I'm 15! I'm not into making big money from investment but I want protect the value of my money. I opened a DBS Vickers account like 2 or 3 years back but I never do anything with it. Then Ah Seng was like telling me I can buy STI (under Specified Investment Products, SIPs). When I try to buy I cannot because I'm not eligible after I do the client assessment. So I had to do an online tutorial by SGX and pass the quiz. There were 7 modules, I was very "on" for the first 2 modules then I start to lose interest. Ah Seng offered to do the quiz for me but I still have to flip through all the modules. So I just scan through the rest of the modules and it's time to do quiz, Ah Seng was ZZZzzz-ing behind me. So I attempted the quiz and I passed! 18/20 le. I'm impressed with myself. Actually, the whole point of the story is, I think I'm good HAHAHA.

Okie, I can't think if anymore updates for 2013 for now...so till I can think of something else... Byeee

The little broken bone.

never thought I will suffer a fracture but apparently it can happen to anyone anytime. Cut the long short, I fell off my new NTUC $108 bicycle and landed on my elbow. 

I saw my elbow joint came out and my first thought was that my arm is gone for good. I don't know if it was because I was shocked or that I couldn't move, I just lay there on the grass that I landed. It was an awful experience. I'm grateful for the people that came to help me. 

So right now I'm nursing a coronoid fracture on my right elbow. Based on the consultation, the doctor say its not a serious case and that I should recover fully and that my arm would eventually be able to straighten. *phew*

I had a splint cast for a week and it was horrible. Although it was a really long week but my friends and family made it easier for me. They came to visit me, ask me how I am, encouraged me. And of course there is Ah Seng, the husband I could count on and lean on when I needed to. 

So now after the cast, all the bruises and swelling, my elbow is working on making a full recovery. yes my arm feels weird and I have limited range of motion, I know I will get back to my old self soon, running, swimming and doing all sorts of torturous exercises at home to lose all the weight and get my amazing abs.

I just want to write this down to remind myself never to take healthy body for granted and to be grateful for the awesome people around me.

okie 3.30am now. i blame the vampire diaries

Life is good!

My previous post were pretty sad but it is interesting how things can change in a short one month. I feel happy somehow for the past 2 weeks or so...I can't exactly point out what it is but suddenly I feel contented with my life.

I have started exercising on a regularly basis since March and I'm quite surprised that I'm actually disciplined enough to maintain it for the past 5 months! If you know me back in school, I am not the kind of athlete that will be discipline enough to do my own workout, especially after a full day's work. During this period, I can see myself slowly gaining my fitness back and getting more toned body. But apart from these tangible effects, I find myself handling stress better and start getting my long lost lame-to-the-core humor back (I think this is because my mind is more alert and quick).

Somehow I feel like I've been able to spend some time with different groups of friends and I really enjoy their companies. I didnt realise that there are so many interesting people around me and it is really fun hanging out with them. Although I can't say I have like one group of close friends, after Nicole left, I didnt think it is possible to find anyone else already. I don't need anyone to take Nicole's place also but it is really nice to have great company and to know that they do enjoy my company too. I've been keeping in touch with my friends more via Facebook and it's really nice to be able to keep myself updated on what's up with my friends even though we are unable to meet up.

In June-July, I was extremely unhappy at work. There was alot of negativity surrounding me when it comes to work. But little did I know that just a short getaway once in a while does wonders to the mind. And slowly I start to see that actually my work allows me alot of flexibility, although it doesnt seem like much prospects but whatever high position and high salary you get, you are really exchanging a larger part of your life for it. I'm not saying we shouldn't work hard, you should but you need to know how much of your life you want to give it for work. Comparing to some of my peers, they might be getting a higher more glamorous work but there are sacrifices they have to make. So now I'm actually starting to appreciate the nature of my work and how my job allows me to do other things outside my work.

Then when I think about my life, seriously there isn't anything that I need to worry about. My love ones are healthy and happy, I got a place to stay and I dun have to worry about the huge bank loan, I have free transport to work and back home everyday (so I can do my workout after work!!), I can go for holiday when i want to....what more can I ask for right?

I'm fortunate and I am thankful for it.

我们的周末

突然想起几个月前刚搬进新家时
你跟我说你周末要回家住
你说周末是你的家庭时间
我觉得自己的脸好像被赏了一个耳光
我这才愕然的发现原来我们并没有我想象的亲密

可能就是打从那时开始
我就告诉自己要更独立，不能指望靠谁

一个独立的人，同时也可以是一个热情的人吗？
独立跟热不热情好像是两马事
可是仔细想想，一个独立的人不介意独处
喜欢自己一个人的可能性高
这样性格的人就是属于冷漠型的

冷漠不是不爱说话，他还是可以和朋友有说有笑
可是他是被动的
他不会主动去找朋友聊天
这种性格的人正需要一个主动（就是所谓热情的人了）的伴侣

照我以上的分析，我们可能就是因为各自属于不同类型的人而在一起的
不过这个离题了，所以我就不继续细说下去了

就这样我们的周末就有一天，我们各自回到父母的家住
刚开始，我要是很老实的说的话，我很介意这个安排
觉得你不想跟我多花点时间在一起
我没跟别人说实话，我说这是我们俩要的
我想要是我一直这样说，假的也会变成真的。。。
时间证明我这个想法是对的

现在的我是真的很满意这个安排
而且在每一个星期里，这天是我最放松，最享受的一段时间
我仿佛回到了以前
可以放心的做自己
不想着工作，不想着你我
这是一个微妙的乐趣

你是不是也因为向往这样的乐趣而提出这样的安排？
我不知道，也觉得没必要知道

可是我也觉得就是因为当初被这个安排伤到了
想要更独立的我无意的克制自己的热情
觉得自己好像变了

这个就是两个人住在一起需要慢慢适应与改变的一个例子吧

杂乱的心情

你看着我说你不喜欢吵架
我的心顿时软了

我投进你的怀里
我们好像很久没有这样拥抱

这可能是个新的开始吗？
之前大大小小的不满能放开吗？

我能放纵自己
让自己盼望着被你疼惜，被你爱护吗？
还是因该理智的有所保留呢？

毕竟没有盼望，何来的失望。。。

可爱女人的秘密

要被疼的女人才会可爱

男人觉得自己很疼女人，可是女人一点都不觉得被疼

是女人贪心吗？
是女人麻烦吗？
是女人不讲理吗？

结婚前的你给的是100个心，可是你没跟我说这个只是暂时性的
男人很贼，他给你的心慢慢的慢慢的减少
突然，你发现他给你的少了很多
你问为什么，他反过来说是你自己要求过高

他给的渐渐的少了
你也渐渐的不可爱了
你说他不像以前爱你了，他说你也不像以前那样可爱了

女人可爱是因为有男人给她需要的营养
女人就好像骆驼一样，只要一点水可以走很远的路
可是时不时还是需要补充一下

其实女人只是要你用她的方式来疼她

以前你每天等我把头发吹干才去睡觉，现在你怪我晚上迟睡害得你睡不好
当我觉得委屈时，我只能默默在心里哭泣，把委屈往心底藏
表面上的冷漠与坚强是我唯一能保护自己的方法

Unique?

I read a book "The Unique Woman" by Edwin Louis Cole & his wife Nancy quite a few years back. There was alot encouragement and revelation that I got from it but over the years, I forgot what it was all about.

I still have the book; very well kept and nicely wrapped.

Once in a while the title of this book will pop into my mind and I will make a mental note to read it again. So this morning I finally took out the book and brought it with me to work. I scanned through a few pages and read a couple of sentences highlighted by me last time.

Then I thought to myself, is it wrong or too much for a woman to ask for to want to be unique. Maybe not unique to everyone but at least to her partner? I realized that throughout my dating history, I always wanted to be the one special person to my boyfriend. To the guy, it seems that this is a way to feed my ego and sometimes that interpretation has also gotten into me. And I will feel bad about wanting to be unique.

I asked a certain special someone about how special I am to him and maybe, he was fed up by this continuous need of mine to want to be unique and his answer was "My heart can only fit one woman at one time". This was the final answer I got and I stop asking.

Does this answer satisfy my longing to be the special one to him?

No. In fact it was worst...so basically every woman he has been with previously was just as special and unique as me. It totally negates the whole point of my intention of asking this question.

So why I stop asking him?

Because he can never give me what I hope to get out of him.

However, as time goes by, the need to want to be unique has gotten the better out of me so I started asking him again. And this time his answer was "I marry you, isn't that enough to prove that you are special to me?"

Now.... On the surface this answer seems to be all a woman can ask for but somehow it feels that something is missing...

Or am I just being greedy?

I think I'm being angry with him secretly, I don't show it to him, I don't tell him.
My friend say why don't I tell him what I am unhappy about?
If I do show him and do tell him, he will say I'm being petty and unreasonable. And that do not make me feel any better than not feeling unique.

Recently I was yet hurt again by him unintentionally.

When I spell out things that I love him for, I chose those because it was unique to me. But one after another one, I realize those little things aren't unique to me anymore. There goes my small little list of desperate attempt to be unique to him.

It's only a matter of time that the list will be exhausted.

General Election 2011

Prior to the GE, I would say I'm rather apathetic about Singapore's politics. But with the intense media coverage (most probably due increase in quality and quantity of the opposition) of this year's GE, it is difficult not to pay attention to it.

I believe one of the reason why I am concern with this year's GE is also because I can relate to some of the points brought up by the opposition. In the past, I have accepted that whatever Singapore government do, it must be for the best.

I thought I should take some time to listen to both sides before I make my final decision.

Choa Chu Kang GRC

PAP:

Gan Kim Yong/Zaqy Mohamed/Alvin Yeo/Low Yen Ling/Alex Yam Ziming


NSP:

Sebastian Teo/Tony Tan/Hazel Poa/Jeisilan Sivalingam/Nor Lella Mardiiiah

First post for 2011

So what's my day like on the last day of 2010?

Nothing fancy.... anyway I also don't expect much because what's there to expect?

No expectation, no disappointment
No disappointment, no unhappiness
(I'm not unhappy now, just mildly buay song)

I don't think I'm a person of high expectations (of others) but sometimes I think because of this I get stepped all over. If my presence is not appreciated, I won't hang around and feel like I'm worth nothing.

I do not need to be pleased, I just dun want to be pissed.

Dont expect much from anyone because man (as in literally the man) will fail you.

Turtle must fight!

The last few days has been a horrible time for me....

My turtle fell very sick (because I didnt put alot of time on him lately), my shipment was stuck at custom and I have tons of work piling up. It was suppose to be a restful time for me because I had to clear 3 days of leave but I think those 3 days are probably the "stress-est" days for this year -_-"

Turtle has been sick for a while, not wanting to eat and all. I tend to him daily and change water every other day and he became active again but still not eating. Then he fell really ill because when I try to change water, he didn't even want to be in water. I was devastated and didn't know what to do! It was Monday and I thought turtle wouldn't pull through Tuesday. Luckily a friend told me about an aquatic vet at Jalan Kayu so I rush down after work to bring turtle there. Turtle was given some antiseptic for some red rashes and wound and 2 injections. The vet say he is very skinny too. Then she prescribe medication for turtle for a week and to bring turtle back a week after.

Turtle was given antiseptic medication to apply everyday and also antibiotics and vitamins which have to be administrated via injection!! Gosh, I'm so scare of needles myself and I have to give injection to turtle! It was so scary and the first injection was so horrible. I didnt poke the needle deep enough and I try to push the needle in but it wont go in. Not knowing what to do, I just push the syringe in. I think my hands were shaking throughout the time. Then I saw that the injection gave turtle a lump. This is probably because the needle wasn't deep enough and the medication was not injected in his muscles (it's an intramuscular injection). I panic and called the clinic and I couldn't make myself clear because I was so upset. The person tell me it's alright and try to calm me down.

I was close to tear and I felt so guilty to have put turtle through this. As the time for the 2nd injection for the day drew closer, I was getting all nervous again. So I did abit of googling hoping to find some information on giving injections. I tried using a needle to poke on a cushion to practice and to psych myself up for it. Finally I tried it the 2nd time and the needle went in deep in one motion, I was so relieved. But the next few days I still have some misses on the injection but I know if it's not deep enough I have to pull it out. Poor turtle, his butt must be covered with tiny needle marks now (2 to 3 jabs a day for 5 days).

But he made some progression. He is now in water with a heater and he seem to be more responsive to his surroundings. But he has yet to start eating again. I pray he will get well soon so that he can move over to my new place and Ah Seng can also help take care of him.

This is turtle 5 years ago... He is now much bigger
Pray that he will get well soon...he still have a long way to go with me

Friends

You cannot choose your family but you can choose your friends.

Lately I'm beginning to think who are my real friends?
What qualify someone as a real friend (to me)?

I think everyone has their own definition of what real friends are and subconsciously we will compare the people around us with this definition and determine who are the real friends.

I wonder if it is because I had the one Best friend before and subconsciously she became the "friendship yardstick". If that's really the case, am I being unfair to compare them with her?

Instead of going on and on about this in my head, I shall pen it down what is bothering me and hopefully leave it here.

I hate it when someone make plans with me and then call it off last min because she has some other (better) plans or just decided she is too lazy to come out. Once or twice is fine but if you do it often, it is not acceptable. I'm not a back-up plan.

I hate people who tell white lies perpetually and cannot keep the promises they make. Honesty in friendship is important.

I hate it when people sweet talk you and tell you how important you are to them. Action speaks louder than words. I've been stupid to believe these words all these time. Don't say I'm your closest friend and I'm the only person you can confide in when the very next day you've told the same thing to half a dozen other people.

I hate it when people expect you to inconvenient yourself even though I'm already extending them a favor. I bloody hate to walk out to pass people things I help them buy. I try to make plans out of the way for me to make things easy for them. It is not acceptable to be late twice in a day and expect me to ditch my dinner plans and go to them. A 'Sorry' SMS is NOT ENOUGH! Don't expect me to help again when you didn't even realize why I'm so angry.

I hate it when people call you super late at night or super early in the morning. If it's not important, you can leave it to a more "human" time to call.

I hate it when people expect pressies from me but didn't think of giving back and hands you recycled gifts. It's a give and take relationship. I can be generous but I'm not here to be taken advantage of. Friends just don't do that.

If I'm not talking to you, it probably mean I am re-thinking our friendship.

My last "single" night

I'm getting married tomorrow, so from tomorrow onwards, I will be known as "Mrs Seng"...... hmmm.... on second thought, maybe not.....

Our relationship officially started on 22 May 2007 and after 3 years and 5 months of dating, we are tying the knot on the 22 Oct 2010.

So why is Ah Seng the one for me?

1) He cares alot for me (always nag at me to go shower, eat and sleep)
2) We share the same lame sense of humor (Both love Stephen Chow)
3) He is a very smart guy (of course, if not why he fell for me in the first place LOL)
4) He bathes my stuff toys
5) He is there for me whenever I need someone
6) He is a nerd that rides a bike
7) He makes me laugh (Very very important)
8) He usually let me have my ways (without spoiling me)
9) He says "take your time" when I'm running late
10) He is simply Seng-sational *BTW I coined that word one hor*

Here's to our 3 years of dating....

Ah Seng waits for me every morning to go work together

Oooh, I even have a comic Strip!!


嗨，我是Ah Seng


呃，好像有声音...


奇怪,怎么没人...


哇哇哇!! 原来在我后面...

hahaha......

Ah Seng!! 明天我要嫁给你啦!!

Happy No Enough

My eyes are hurting from staring at the computer screen for the whole day but here I am staring at the small netbook screen typing this.

I'm so tired today and I had a really bad day at work.
I think the worst thing is when you have to rush something out quickly, there's always something/someone holding you back (I fantasize throwing durians at these ppl!!).

Now back home, I can't seem to find something to do that will make me feel better. I think about what's happening in my life and I realise I'm not excited about anything.

I'm getting the keys to my house tomorrow and I'm getting ROM this month but to me these involve alot of work!! I don't see anything enjoyable about these events and I think I'm beginning to resent it.

I just feel I have absolutely nothing to look forward to....

Does this sound suicidal?

I'm quite sure I'm not.

Maybe I just used up all my excite-ed airtime when I'm younger so this is what I become...

Sometimes I just want to be special....

You think you know someone but later found out you may not really know the person as well as you thought you did.

Perhaps the other side of him you found out isn't something bad but somehow the realization of another side that you never knew made you feel a little "cheated".
Perhaps I'm deluded and came to a conclusion that I wanted, that's why I'm a little upset when I found out that I'm wrong. It's not the person's fault but why do I feel a little resentful towards him?

He never told me I'm special before and I made myself sound like I'm special to him and I believed it. Now I'm starting to doubt if I'm really that special to him.

Is it an illness to need to feel special to someone?
Is it wrong to want to be the most special person to someone?

Why do I get blamed for wanting to feel special?


Okie this is where I end my little indulging-time to feel sad...
Life goes on...

I will not die if no one makes me feel special.

Insights I hope I will remember

My colleagues and I was on a course on "Stress Management". The reason why we chose this course was mainly the dates were suitable for us and it falls under the right category of training tat we needed. I didnt expect to gain much out of it because I personally think I'm not a very stress-ed person.

Perhaps God wanted to "prepare" me for the course so I had an extremely stressful morning. First I didnt sleep enough, I had to wake up earlier because I needed to clear my harddisk to get some files from Mable. But there was just too much file to transfer and after much struggle, I still didnt manage to clear the harddisk =(
Then I had a tummy ache so I left the house like 20mins later than I had planned to. But the worst has got to be the train journey. I've been very pampered because Ah Seng sends me to work everyday but even if I had to take train to work, it's on the non-crowded direction so I dun have to squeeze myself into the train. Today I had to travel opposite direction and it was HORRIBLE!!!! Goodness, I know alot of ppl complain about the crazy crowd in the morning but I didnt think that much of it until this morning. Anyway by the time I reached the coffee shop, I was all sweaty and was told I have only 10mins to eat my breakfast *sobz*

So during the course, the facilitator actually told write down what kind of stress we are facing and to share with out neighbours and everyone shared alittle. I realise people of all ages experience different stress. Some shared they are actually stressed about retirement. It could be because they worry they do not have enough money for retirement etc. For me I think I'm stressed because I have to do alot of things all at one go and I'm spreading myself thin that I don't feel I'm accomplishing anything.
Later the facilitator also shared about the symptoms of stress etc and there was alot of sharing on stories of people he knew.

I didnt think alot into all these until I met Mable for dinner.

I was sharing casually on what I learnt and suddenly it stuck me that actually my Mum can be very stressed.

Okie, just some background on my Mum. I've never really publicly shared this but my mum is actually one of the greatest source of stress for me. First I would like to say tat my Mum is a responsible mum who cooks, cleans and do all the necessary things for the household. But she is a very negative and unhappy person.
She is always complaining about how unfair was being treated by my dad's side relatives, how people are all selfish, how she is taken granted for, how miserable her life is. She is always grumbling and whining about everything and I just dont want to hear all these things. So I always shut myself in my room when I'm home and my door is the safety barrier from her. I love my mum but I feel that because of she is always so angry with everyone and everything, it stops me from wanting to
communicate with her regularly.

Having said these, I suddenly realise that what my mum said is a sign of stress.

First, she is always insecure of how little money she has and feel that she has to save very hard for old age. To me, all I hear is about money money money and it sorta turns me off. But I realise it is not about the money, she is worry about having no one to take care of her when she old and does not have the mean to provide for herself.
Now that I've recognize that, I want to make it a point to assure her that me and my bro will definitely take care of her because it is our duty to do so.

Then she complain about all the bad things that happen to her and how everyone makes her feel unhappy. I always scold her for telling me all these old stories and tell her to stop telling me all these things, I'm so sick of hearing the same thing over and over again. Instead of responding negatively to her complains, I should make her focus on the blessings she has instead. I think all of us need to be reminded of what we have and taken it for granted.

She always feel that she is being taken for granted for the things she do for the family. To be honest, I am guilty of taking my mum's work for granted. So how should I make it up to her? My solution: to wash plates whenever I see then in the sink and leave her a note to say I understand these housework are a chore and I shoudn't have taken it for granted. Hopefully tat will show some appreciation la.

Wish me luck implementing those things I've came up with =D

Oh ya, I'm so happy I manage to picked up the Strawberry Body Butter from the bodyshop sale!!

My Loot!! Paid like $40plus abit for all these!!!


My Bday pressie from Mable!!!

500G harddisk, I was just contemplating buying one during comex lor...
Hehe....so blessed right...

OKie need to sleep already, tomorrow another day of "stress management" course.

Peace Out

Sian post

Haruki Murakami is one of Ah Seng's favourite author, so I wanted to read for myself and see what's the "fuss" all about. Initially Ah Seng lent me the short "stories" and I remember reading one or two stories and I think what strikes me most is the simplicity of the subject matter. It's something so common that happens around us that we usually do not give it a second thought. But when you read it, you think "hey, I know what's he is talking about..."

But just like most of the books I read...I usually read only halfway... (haha)

So my new quest is Murakami's "What I Talk about When I Talk about Running".
I thought this book would be an interesting read since I think I do qualify as a "runner" having spent most of my school days training and competing in running events. I'm just a couple of pages into it and all I have to say "so far so good".

Oh just want to do abit of the "blogging-on-my-mundane-life-events-which-usually-includes-some-random-meaningless-photos"....

My new toy!!
Fuji Instanx Mini7S
I love instant photos!! Uselessly small but it's cool because it's INSTANT



My Polar Heart Rate monitor that I bought during Sundown Marathon's roadshow
Been contemplating to get one for a long time...
I think I need something to inject some fun to my runs
Maybe I will write more about it when I learn how to use it



Oh ya, my first Sundown Marathon!!
Yay!! I did it again!!
But their organization for this event is probably the worst I had to go through!
The only redeeming point is it's Sun Down...no sun
I want to join standard chartered but they close the early bird on it's last day!!
Dammit!! I have to pay $75 now argh

But I think doing 2 marathons in a year is something new I can achieve for 2010!!

Bring it on!!!

Friend...

Well, I was clearing my drawer (like I always am) and I came across this little piggy bookmark with the following words:

知己

朋友无需多
能让你珍惜的
即使是一位
也是幸福的

When I was younger, friends are very important to me. My life revolves around friends then it became boyfriend and myself. Does people in general grew to be more selfish as we start to grow up?

Looking back at the friendship I had and is still having.... it's amazing how many people has cross path with me. People I met in school, in church, in sports, at work and even online. Once in a while, I take time to go through my old photos, reminiscing the good times I've share with these people.

But she's always the one who will pop into my mind and talking about what we've done will almost always bring tears to my eyes. Knowing her make me a 幸福 person as our friendship is definitely one I will treasure and always hold dear to my heart.

It is true that life goes on without you but I think my life changed the moment you left.
Watching shows with good friends being there to comfort each other and having fun together always make sad and jealous =(

And now I have to grow old and grow fat by myself -_-"